Messiah!

This was written in response to the recent Messiah Production in Jasper, TN:

I actually feel refreshed after this weekend.  The whole way home, I just sat silently in the car and though about what all had happened and how wonderful it had all been.  It's interesting that I enjoy that so much more than my middle school job!  :-)  I had been all worried about this next semester and where I might be in a year from now, but you know what?  If God can provide something so wonderful for me to be a part of in such a strange and unassuming place as Jasper, TN, then I'm sure He can and will provide my next job.  And I'm sure it will be exactly what I need.

When I came to McKendree, I expected to have a church home, and to lead a choir, and become involved with the church, and get a paycheck, and I expected to be loved.  But I did not expect to have such a huge and wonderful opportunity dropped in my lap and then be supported on every turn by the church as a whole.  This church has fed me non-stop with food, love and care.  I have yet to have any argument over music that wasn't very quickly resolved (where in the world would that ever happen!) and I can't even begin to count the ways I have been loved and accepted!

I truly can't wait to see what God has in store for me in the coming months!

I Love America

Here's part of a letter I wrote to my Polish friend, Damian:

 

I wish I could meet you in Spain!  I would absolutely love to go there for a little time.  I think you are so lucky to live in the EU and to have an EU passport.  Of course, I'm proud to be an American, but it also makes me very sad spiritually.  We are coming up on the 4th of July week which is the time when everyone displays American flags and the most patriotism is shown.  But... it makes me sad because although I love America; it hurts me to see us so spiritually depraved.  We have run so far from our Christian roots.  It's seems like we're actually ashamed of them.  I don't understand it.  It hurts my heart to know how much this country is greiving God.  Maybe our morality right now isn't all that much worse than other countries, but I think it makes it worse that we used to be so heavily Christian based and now, within the last 50 years or so, we have run headstrong away from Him.  It's almost like we've slapped God in the face and run away.  It's such a strange thing to wonder how we got here.

 

Last night I went to a 4th of July church musical at a large Baptist church in Huntsville.  They put it on every year.  It's called "I Love America", and it involves a huge singing flag and drama and special handmade video (handmade by my brother! :-) and many other moving parts.  It always makes you proud to live here...

 

Sort of.  I was very surprized that there was absolutely no mention of America's hugely messed up state right now.  No one mentioned of how we have turned our backs on the very God we talk about in every historical document.  Did you know that EVERY single preamble to the state constitutions make mention of God, thanking God, or being appreciative to "Divine Guidance" or something very similar?  But we've completely erased Him from our history books.  For the last fifty years, we've done our very best to push Him as far from our mouths as possible, and for the last 40 years we've pushed him away spiritually as well.

 

Many preachers have been blasted for saying that 9-11 and Huricane Katrina were some sort of divine punishment.  I seriously doubt it.  A warning... maybe.  But there's no way it could have been punishment.  If God was in the business of retaliation or revenge on our spiritual state, we would have been wiped out a long time ago.  Did we deserve those two catastrophies?  As a nation... yeah.  Definitely.  "It rains on the just and the unjust."  Some very wonderful, righteous, and truly holy people were affected by recent tragedies.  But not one "good" city was hurt.  Those horrible things could have happened anywhere in the continental US and they wouldn't have affected a truely "good" city.

 

We are messed up.  And the sad thing is that we're too arrogant and puffed up to admit it.  We'd rather just ignore the warnings (whatever they looks like) and keep on our merry way.  If this is the path America is going to take... we won't last long.

 

I'm still proud to be an American, but only because I believe there are still some people out there whose deffinition of "America" still includes some of that beautiful (though flawed), hard-fought, Christ-centered history.

 

God... don't bless America... teach us.  If You truly love us, discipline us.  Don't let us turn ourselves into illigitemate children by ignoring Your correction.  Turn our hearts back to you.

 

Christians... pray that God would say of us as He said of Israel:

"I will give them a heart to know me, that I am the Lord.  They will be my people, and I will be their God, for they will return to me with all their heart."

Gal. 6:8-9

Some days you strive to do your best, and others you just strive not to give up. Neither is all that bad.

At least that's what Gal 6:8-9 says to me today.  Well... actually just verse 9: "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."  Some days I just get so tired of doing good, trying hard and giving my best.  When will I get a break?  When do I get a sabbatical?  I thought those were supposed to be an ever week thing, but don't know if I can remember the last time I've had one.  I get to the end of my day, er, well... I get to 5 or 6 pm and my brain refuses to be productive.  On the best of days, I force it into submission and am thereby able to cram 30 minutes worth of work into the next 3 or 4 hours of striving.

Strive is sort of a funny word.  Well... more of a painful word.  It's almost like work, but work often comes with rewards.  A "hard day's work" connotes pictures of accomplishment and pride.  But "strive" just makes me think of spinning my wheels.  Hard work without any discernible progress or accomplishment.  All the work without any of the fun.

So I guess what I'm trying to do is give some sort of apologetic speech about why I'm not perfect.

I mentioned to Dr. Plate yesterday that I felt like everyone (my peers, the undergraduates, and some of my professors as well) looks down on me even when I'm doing my best; like I'm working hard, but it doesn't matter because it's just not good enough.  I'm supposed to be the mature graduate student who has a good knowledge base and is thirsty for more.  (Quick side note: I'm going to be working on the "mature" part because I realize I've been taking the "heart of a child" thing a little too far).  But in reality, I feel a lot more like a super-super senior without any sort of mental super-powers.  I'm all but a failing graduate student just trying to keep my head above water.

What makes this worse is that now that I'm taking this Choral Lit. class with many of the juniors and seniors from Chorale... they've caught on.  They see what I'm putting out and look at me with disdain.  "Why can't he just grow up?"  "Is he really that dumb?"  In truth, I'm one of the least smartest in the class, and yet, I'm the only graduate student.  Sad day.

Unfortunately, I'm just me.  I'm really not all that smart (mentally, spiritually, or otherwise).  About the only redeeming thing about me is that I don't quit.  At least not for long.  And sometimes, I really wonder if that's such a redeeming quality anyways.  I've definitely gotten in trouble a couple times when I should have quit, but it took me too long to figure that out.

So... here I am.  Without fanfare or amazing musical abilities.  Without any amazing GPA.  Without any real advantage at all.

I know God brought me here (to Lee, to graduate school, to life; your pick), but sometimes I seriously wonder what He's going to do with me; because at this point it doesn't seem like I'm really worth all that much.

But I've promised Him that I'm His; good and bad; mistakes, forgetfulness, shortcomings and all.  And it's a good think He'll take me, because no one else wants this mess.  Not even me.

New Day

Today is a new day.  Yesterday's mistakes are gone, and even if the consequences must still be lived through, the past cannot be changed.  I can do my best from here forward, even if I can't change what's behind me.

God, thanks for the good night's sleep and for the sun just coming over the hill into the baby blue sky.  Thanks for the springtime that's just warm enough in the afternoon to open windows and turn on fans.  You have blessed me beyond imagination.  You have given me hope and a future.  I thank You that You're "still workin' on me to make me what I aughta be."

You said if I seek You, You will be found by me.  God, if Your presence doesn't go with me, I don't want to go anywhere, much less try anything new.  Lord, this life just won't work without You.  Nothing is going to be right without You.  I have to have You.  Please fill me with Your presence and give me the strength I need to do Your will.  I can't do the work you've set before me without Your help.  I'm helpless and pitiful without You.  Be near.

Fire? I just want to give up.

God, I'm tired of doing this alone.  I'm tired of trying so hard and still messing up.  I'm just tired.

I haven't gotten anything done on this paper that I'm supposed to be writing since last Thursday or maybe even Wednesday.  I don't know what else to do, Lord.  I'm just so tired and tired.

When will I be better than this?

God, I need Your help.  I want to focus on You, but all I can see is what's in front of me.  Someone throws a itty-bitty bit of temptation my way, and I fall head over heals to chase it down.  Why can't I be that way about You?  I just don't understand, God.  Why am I so messed up?

I seriously wonder if I'll pass this class.  I promised You that I would give You my best, and I was certain that if I did, You would see me through.  But what about now that I haven't given my best?  What about now, with my horrible procrastination and misuse of my time?  And when do I stop helping people to get my own work done?  I spent almost 4 entire days helping out with a yard sale which I'll most likely receive less than $40 for.  I was just doing it to be helpful.  And I spent all morning helping Clare and talking with her about you.  And the other day I spent getting my house ready for Greg and Sam to come up.  And a couple of weeks ago, I gave up 5 whole days to You.  So, this afternoon, when it's my turn to catch up on the work that I haven't done... I'm so tired and brain-dead that all I do is procrastinate more.  Not to mention the things I was doing while I procrastinated.

It's not that I want some sort of great and immediate return on my investment; I just want to pass my class and be saved the embarrassment of having to look Dr. Patty in the face and know that he knows I'm such a slacker and a procrastinator.  I think he must think I don't care about that class at all.  I'm never prepared for it.

And when will I be completely relieved from this sin addiction?  Will I ever stop stumbling and stubbing my spiritual toes till they're dripping with blood?  I mean, the stupid thing about it is that I'm not even enjoying myself.  You'd think that sin would give you at least some temporary gratification.  Honestly, I'm glad my sin makes me sick and isn't fun; that's what I've prayed for.  But I wish I would stop it all together.

When does the fire come in such a consuming way that everything else is burnt up?

I've been on so many camp-outs.  And thousands where it's rained.  I know how hard it is to start a fire in the rain; looking hard for something that's dry and some sort of way to keep it dry while you light it and carefully build it.  It takes two or three people just to take care of all the things the fire requires.

But I remember one camp-out in particular where Hardrock was in charge of getting a good strong fire going so that we could cook a really big meal that night.  I'm sure it was a whole hog or something like that.  It was a huge, hot, all hardwood fire with piles of good coals.  And then it started to rain.  And it was one of those Alabama, really good, soaking type, too.  Not this angel-spit Tennessee stuff.  But despite the rain, the fire kept going.  It wasn't even fazed.

Why can't I have that type of fire?  Once you get one going like that, it's so easy to tend, too.  You just keep adding hardwood.  Even a beginner would be hard pressed to suffocate such a good fire.

Am I really that bad at spiritual fire building?  I thought it was You that's supposed to build it anyway.  I thought I was just the fuel.  Or am I the fire builder and You're the fuel?  Or are You supposed to be both?  I don't know; and You know what?  I don't care, so long as the fire gets built.  I just want to be consumed.

I want to be enraptured even more than when I watch a movie and get sucked into the plot line.  I want to be so enveloped by Your presence that I can't think of anything else.  Please grant this request, Lord.  Please come to my aid.  You said that if I seek You, You will be found by me.  And that You are with me if I am with you.  God, I am with You, or trying to be; please help any part of me that's not.  I throw on you all my shortcomings and misconceptions about life.  I throw on You my hopes and dreams and desires.  Take it all.  I'm not worthy to try, and I don't have enough authority to give up.  I'll do whatever You ask.  It's up to You to take care of the outcomes and the assessments.  If I'm taking this class for You, then whatever grade I get is also for You.  It's not my grade; it's Yours.  I'm Yours.

Please forgive me for my constant mistakes and outright bad choices.  I'm so flawed and helpless to be any different.  I lay myself at Your feet.  There's nothing else I can do but that.

Fire begets Fire

Just in case you're an avid Afishymusicmachine blog reader... I'm still a pyro in the mood for fire.

But at the same time, I'm also a very social guy.  Social meaning I still feel a need for other, like-minded people to spur me on.  I feel the desperateness and the call of the Elijah and John the Baptist spirit--minus the ability to keep the fire going, to keep tapped into the stream of living water without having others around me who want and desire the same thing.

Is there anyone of my friends, preferably in the Lee University area who is willing to dive into this lifestyle?

Chris Oglesby and I were talking about this last night.  On a scale of 1 to 10, how holy do you want to be?  Seriously.  What's your answer to that question?  It seems like most Christians would just answer: "holy enough" or "just a little holier than I was yesterday" or something else similar.  May I venture to say... maybe even most Christians I know at Lee would say something like that, completely skirting the issue of the question.  Is there not anyone else who would answer a resounding "10!"

God isn't coming back for a semi-precious, almost-perfect bride.  Why do we insist on being complacent and apathetic in our Christian walk?  Why can't we simply humble ourselves and pray, and seek His face, and turn from our wicked ways?

Take a look around you.  We have been horribly decieved into thinking that our highly, and overtly perverted sexual culture is somehow overlooked by God.  And the church looks just like the world in this area.  It's just so heart breaking.  It makes me want to weep and curse in the same breath.

In Revelation 2:18-29, Jesus speaks to us.  He says he sees our love and faith, our service and preserverance.  He sees that we are doing so much for Him.  He essentially gives us a hearty, "BRAVO!"  He's proud of us; we're actually doing some good!  But... He goes on:  He wants to judge [correct] us for tolerating the spirit of Jezebel and her blatant sexual immorality.

He doesn't necessarily accuse us of being sexual immoral.... it's just that we tolerate it.  It doesn't bother us that our Christian brothers and sisters joke about the same, sexually crude stuff that the world does.  Instead of being sickened by the sexually perverted shows on television that depict and display homosexuality, pre- and extra-marital sex, pornography, complete immodesty, et al.-- instead of this sickening us, we enjoy it.  Huh?  Since when did this please the Heart of God?


Is there anyone else who desires extreme purity?  All I want is to be caught on fire by the Almighty God.  I honestly don't care what it looks like.  I don't care if it just makes me look like a freak or some off-the-edge religious fanatic.  I just want to be in the palm of God's hand.  I know that I'll make mistakes.  I know that I'll fall at least a thousand more times.  The higher the standard, the harder it is to reach.  Can perfection be attained?  That's an irrelevant question.  The real questions are: Who's going to aim for it?  Who's going to reach for excellence?  And more importantly: Who's going to stop playing "Christian" and finally give it their all?

Fasting, prayer, deep and real passion.  These are words that I want on my tombstone.  I don't care if anyone else joins me or not; this is my stubborn desire (finally! something good to be stubborn about! :-).

But the truth is... I do care if anyone else joins me.  So... please, someone respond.

Spiritual Platitudes and other General Mediocrities

So, I've had on my Facebook profile for sometime now that I desire to be a "Fire-breathing Christian."

But I'm so unsatisfied with my life right now; especially my Christian walk. I feel so mundane and lack-luster, and just generally lukewarm. It's not because I'm not trying; I just don't know what else to do. I pray, I read my Bible (even when I don't feel like it), and most of all (at least I think this is most important), when I "feel" the least like doing the right thing, I pray that God will give me the strength, nay... the desire to follow through.

But I feel so devoid of all Godly desire on a day-to-day basis. I mean, I have all kinds of ambitions and dreams with God in the grand scheme of things. Just about anyone who knows me knows I want to speak Spanish and fly airplanes and direct choirs, et. al. And truth be told, I desire to do these things for the glory of God.

But what about the here and now? What about my desire to make a good grade in Concepts of Analysis (Grad. Theory) or my desire to live a life completely above reproach? Why do these desires seem to take a backseat?

~

God, I so desperately long to please You. All I want is for You to smile when You see me because of something I've done. And it's not that I want to do it all by myself; I know I need your help. I'm so inadequate.

~

It's hard to be a white hot coal or a burning fire without other fuel and kindling around you. I need others to help spur me on. Maybe I'm supposed to be a leader in this; maybe I'm supposed to start some sort of Bible study or prayer group. I'm ready. But I'm in such need. I have such a deep lack of understanding of what the next step really is.

If God is a teacher, I'm sure He's the absolute best. But even The Most Perfect of All Teachers, must be limited in some way by a completely inept student.

~

God, more than anything else, I desire to be a fire breathing Christian. I truly believe that all that spiritual warfare "stuff" is real life. I want to be in the fray. I want to "die with my boots on" as Dr. Horton always said. What's the point in living unless I'm somehow a part of this grand fight? I want every second of my life to be spent, and well spent; either fighting, preparing for the fight, or resting from the fight. There has to be both purpose and passion even in the preparation and the resting. What point is there without passion; without fire?

There must be more than this. You have placed me here, right here at this physical time and place for a specific purpose. You will use me if I allow You; I know this. God, I make myself available to You and I place my life in Your hands. Do with me as You will; only... do something with me! As Your child, I am not content to be a pawn, or an expendable crewman. Use me for something great, Lord!

God, hold me to a higher standard. Call me to complete holiness in You. I want to burn white-hot with the fire of Your presence. I want to be so hot that anyone who speaks with me for even a moment can not help but notice and be burned themselves. I don't want a pretty, easily boxed passion. I want a passion that's messy and frantic and inexplicably contagious.

This is my desire. This is my cry to You for help. I cannot fake this passion I want. I can't manufacture this intense of a feeling. You must birth it in me. You must rip me apart. I want to see Your face, and I want my face to glow brighter than Moses'. Grip me with a desire for holiness that will not be satisfied with mediocrity or spiritual platitudes. I must have You—the holy, awesome, fearsome, and organic You—living in me. Fill me! Fill me in such a way that I must burst open and spew out Your goodness and mercy upon all those who come near me. Rend me from myself and force upon me Your perfect will! I am wholly Yours. Be wholly mine.

Amen.

prayer request

I'm writing you all to ask for prayer.

 

Spring break is supposed to be fun, enjoyable, and mentally refreshing, but for some reason, this has been a hard week for me.  During the last half of it, I've been tired and discouraged spiritually and mentally.  The biggest thing on my mind right now is my desire to go someplace and to do something, but I feel as though in all the dreams and visions (words I'm using in a similar fashion as "desires") that I've been given by God, my hands are tied behind my back.  It's frustrating, because although I see many things that I want to do and to be a part of, I am not given the opportunity to complete them.

 

I have desires to lead a highly skilled choir (who I can work with for more than just once or twice a week).

I desire to finish becoming fluent (as much as is possible at my age) in Spanish.

I desire to follow through with a pilot's license.

And of course, I would also like to find a companion/wife sometime soon.

 

And yet, with all of these desires, I feel almost as though I'm being teased; as though I'm only allowed to get close enough to better perfect the desire itself, but not close enough to take a step towards measurable attainment of those good and God-glorifying desires.

 

Well... I'm willing to go or do whatever God wants from me.  And I realize that right now that just might include more school (even though it seems like I've just been stuck in the same spot for more than 5 years!).  But... I really want something more than just this.  And I think God wants me to have life more abundantly even right here and now in the midst of the mundane.  But I don't understand how to partake in that yet, and I could really use some wisdom and help from God in that.  Discouragement and dispair don't have any place in the victorious life of a Christian.

 

So please pray for me.  I've been praying, but it would be nice knowing some others are also praying about this for me.

 

Thanks,

Jason

My own little Christmas letter

Merry Christmas Everyone!!!

 

I hope everyone is doing well!  Since it's Thanksgiving (or at least it was when I wrote the first draft), I figured I should go ahead and write a Christmas letter.  I'm delivering it via email because it's a lot easier for me.  (250 family/friend contacts x 41 cents = more than $100!!! :-)

 

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Honduras

In case you haven't heard, I'm back from Honduras.  I really enjoyed my time down there and would just love to go back some day.  Before I left, I had the chance to spend time up on the north coast with some good friends.  It was so beautiful and I just had a great time.  I miss my friends from Honduras and I truly think about my time there almost every day.  I believe that God will allow me to go back to Latin America someday.

 

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Masters

When I decided to return, I thought the best option for me would be to go ahead and get my masters.  So, as luck (meaning God) would have it, here I am back at Lee University pursuing a Masters of Music in Music Education.  I have no doubt that it's the place God wants me to be.  I've had a tough first semester of graduate school, but my professors have all assured me that this is perfectly normal.  :-)  I just hope I get better at this next semester!

 

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Assistantship

The most exciting part of being back at Lee is the opportunity that I have to study with Dr. Green through an assistantship with the Lee University Chorale.  I really couldn't imagine a better place for me to be or a better opportunity to learn with.  Just a couple of weeks ago I had my first opportunity to conduct the Chorale on our fall concert.  What a thrill!  It was so exciting!  And for it being my first time, they followed my jumbled motions pretty well!

 

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New Job!

After talking with one of my professors, he encouraged me to look for a music minister position where I could be in front of a choir on a more regular basis.  After looking around for a job, I found one where I seemed to fit, and I have already started there as of December 5th.  Exciting!  The job is at McKendree United Methodist Church in Jasper, TN.  Jasper is a bit of a drive from Cleveland, TN, but over-all, it will be well worth the experience I'm sure.

 

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That's all from my little corner of the world.  I would love to hear back from each of you; if you have a chance please send me a quick note and tell me what's up.  Add me as a friend on Facebook or find me on Plaxo, and lets keep in touch!

 

 

Your friend and/or family member,

Jason Scott Vawter

Can you say, "High Bb"?!?!

If you want to see Celin Dion and Andrea Bocelli hit a high Bb for the first time in my entire career... please click HERE!

Iguana!!!!

Ok, so today I walk in the door to our house and since it's so hot inside the first thing I do is open all the windows and such. But today was a little different because as I walk towards the sliding glass door, I am stopped by the sight of a huge iguana/lizard thing. And when I say huge, I mean, "How in the world did this thing get in my house?!"

So here for your veiwing pleasure is a picture of this huge lizard (on a leaf of our bird-of-paradise plant). But the best part is the VIDEO!!! so check it out by clicking HERE!

Semana Santa! (and Catholism)

Easter was great! I enjoyed being in Antigua and I got to see a bunch of great things. We actually planned on (and did) come back on Saturday so that we would miss the "returning home" crowd. (Antigua is the place to be for holy week.) But we apparently didn't miss the crowd of people. In fact a couple of our buses were overbooked. But we sure had fun while we were there.

One of the most famous things they do in Antigua for Semana Santa (Holy Week) are the afombras (carpets). They have processions every day where statues of Christ, Mary, and some of the appostles are carried through the street. It's supposed to be a mental picture of Christ going through Jerusalem during his last week. It's interesting because they carry Him on these huge platforms (almost like floats) but they sway from side to side to make it look like He's walking. Well, back to the afombras... They make carpets out of sawdust or other natural things and the procession then walks on them. The biggest day we saw was Thursday-night/Friday morning. Christ's arrest is depicted and there are tons of afombras almost everywhere. But the interesting part was that they spend all Thursday night and Friday morning (staying up all night) making them, but then the procession walks on them by very early the next day.

I'm not sure where this tradition comes from. If I had to guess, I would say that maybe they started making more "special" carpets for Palm Sunday when Jesus is supposed to come in on His triumphantly peaceful Donkey. Then maybe they just decided that Jesus was so special that He needed carpets then entire week. But I don't know, so don't take my word for it.

On Friday afternoon they had some other things as well. At the church, they crucified Jesus. It was pretty interesting, but I don't think they would have gotten very far with this in the States. They were dressed a little funny... to say the least. Actually, remember Chris Betz from COTW? Me and him were very good friends, and we had a lot of talks about Catholic things since he is Catholic. Out of all the things we talked about, there wasn't one single thing that I was uncomfortable with or one doctrine that I couldn't agree with at the least being a possibility. Actually, I really admired many of the things that Catholics have in their doctrines or catechisms.

All that said... there in Antigua I began to feel very uncomfortable. Maybe it was just the things that I didn't understand, or maybe it wasn't the Catholic Church at all, but rather the people in it. But either way, I truly felt like there were things that were pretty far off and it made me uncomfortable seeing it. I can see why the evangelical churches down here have really pulled away from the Catholics. It's hard for me to put together all that Chris said with what I see down here. It's incongruent to say the least. The only think I can guess is that maybe the Vatican is just looking the other way. I really believe there are people down here that worship Mary or that worship some of the icons that the churches keep. I mean... they are very beautiful and they definitely could be bringing glory to God, but not if people are worshiping them instead of Him.

And all that goes very far against what Chris and I talked about a couple of summers ago. Apparently in Vatican II, all that type of stuff was frowned upon and more or less outlawed within the faith. Which makes me wonder exactly what it is that's going on here and how the Vatican is getting around having to deal with it head on.

But either way, the afombras make for very beautiful (if temporary) carpets and pieces of artwork.

The YPG-525

Guess what? I also just made my first large puchase with the music money! I bought (of all things) a keyboard. I was looking around and trying to research them yesterday online and I found a couple of good ones. You know, I like the Yamaha brand. They have something besides the Clavinova series, called Portable Grand. It has fully weighted keys and it's piano-focused (their word, not mine) so it has a really good piano sound. It also has real stereo (not just two speakers), so the high notes sound like they're coming from the right side and the low notes from the left side. Anyway, I was looking around and found that almost always the price was $599. That seemed to be a good price for it. There were a few places that sold it for $549, plus shipping, but I found one that didn't charge for shipping and cost $599. Then, while I was there I noticed they were selling a special packaged deal: they were selling the keyboard with it's Yamaha issued "Survival Kit". The kit usually costs between $30-60 when you buy it by itself. But the store must have made a mistake in their pricing because instead of listing the package as $ 630 (which would have been a very reasonable price), it was listed at $530! And this is the same store that doesn't charge for shipping! So needless to say, I bought it! I was only planning on looking yesterday, but when I came across that seeming mistake, I couldn't help but buy it. It worked out well though, even after I put it in my cart and everything it still said $530. Actually, I got an email this morning telling me I had been charged $530, so it looks like that really was the price. But I'm not worried because I'm buying it new, so even if it's the $630 price, I won't mind since it's the exact one I wanted the school to have. If you want to check it out online or something it's called the YPG-525 (Yamaha Portable Grand).

I'm excited!

April 1st

These are the wonderful sites my roomates got to see when they woke up this morning. During the night, every peice of furniture in the house (minus only four major pieces and the bed I was on) was moved into their room. I wonder who did that? Notice the Stove in the back ground. Whoever moved all of that stuff so stelthaly must have been a very strong man.

The funniest thing is looking at the rest of the house and seeing how empty it is. HA!

Mi Español

Querido Amber,

 

Que bien para oírte!  Como esta mi español?  No esta muy bien, unfortunamente, pero tengo muchas suenas que voy a estar mejor un día.  Esta Verano, voy a tener clases de español para ayudarme hablar mejor.  No se.  Posiblemente.  Yo quiero regresar al Camp-of-the-Woods, pero yo necesito esta tiempo mas para ayudar con mi español.  Aventurero, yo voy a regresar... aventurero.

 

Y usted?  Como estas?  Mucho tiempo no ver!  Estas in una universidad o in su colegio?  Donde vas?  Yo recuerdo mucho acerca la Llama de muerte y las otras llamas.

 

Obviamente, mi español no esta bien, pero en una conversación, yo puedo entender mucho y explicar un pocito.  De verdad, cuando estoy in un culto, no es más difícil para entender los puentes mayores.  A veces, dependiendo en quien es hablando, puedo entender todo.  Cuando un gringo es hablando, no es difícil.  Cuando un atracan, pocito mas difícil.  Cuando un catrachan del campo, dificilísimo!

 

Entonces...  Tenga una buen noche, y yo espero para verte otra vez un día!

 

Tu amigo,

Jason Scott Vawter

 

Espero que usted le guste esto correo

On a happier note...

I didn't get much sleep last night, but that was because we had a concert with the National Choir.  It was at a new place for me.  It was downtown in an old, but beautiful theatre.  I just wanted to eat it up.  It was a fairly small theatre as far as theatres go, but it was so beautiful.  The concert was in honor of the European Union's 50 anniversary.  It was by invitation only (Europeans, but mostly Germans) and was joint paid for by the European Union and Germany.  And for those of you who don't know: the "international" anthem of the EU is the chorus from Beethoven's 9th, Ode to Joy.  I found that very interesting on so many levels.  There was yet another immaculate reception that followed where the expensive orderves lined endless platters and the Coke, Sprite, and red and white wine flowed freely.  I told Milton (my student who was there) that they must have paid at least $20 a head for all that food.  He kept wanting to have a glass of wine just to try it.  I told him that I wanted to as well since I'd never had any, but that we had both signed saying we wouldn't.  I think he ended up taking a sip from someone else's glass, but I didn't actually see it...

 

Where else can a regular old guy go and hang out with dignitaries and diplomats and ambassadors of all kinds?  It was amazing!  It's really a lot of fun being a part of the high life every once in a while.  But it was sort of odd thinking that even though this theatre has been in Tegus for more than 90 years, probably VERY few Hondurans or even Tegucians have ever even seen it on the inside.  Music really is something for the "upperclass" here.  I wish that were different.  I would really like to change that, but it won't happen overnight and it definitely won't happen unless Hondurans want it too.

The Dearly Departed

Well... as I write to all of you tonight, my heart is filled with a great sadness. One of my dear friends of this past week has gone on to better places. I didn't have much time to get to know him, but in the short week that we had together, I tried my best to be a good friend.

Actually, at first, he really didn't seem to like me, but he soon got over his initial prejudices and we developed a deep, though short lived fellowship. I knew earlier today that he wasn't feeling well, and I worried about him all night. When I was finally able to come back to see how he was, he had already passed on. In truth, ants had already found their way down the meter and a half of fishing line from the ceiling to his cage.

Yes, although I'm sure this will come as a shock to many, my dearly beloved pet parrot, Francisco, is dead. For those of you who got to know him, I know this is a saddening time. But if there is anyone to blame in this situation, surely it is me, his caretaker. I noticed when I came home from school that he wasn't doing well at all. He was silent and plastered to the side of his cage like he was thrown there by Sylvester himself. I tried to talk to him, but he didn't do much more than blink at me or coo when I talked to him. I thought he was just being dramatic (parrots are known to do those types of things), but later as I left this afternoon to go to my concert... I realized in the car that it had been a little more than 24 hours since I watered him. I immediately called my roommates and asked them to stick some water in his cage as soon as they got a chance. I thought that there would be enough time, but apparently it was too late. They are asleep right now, and I'm left to wonder if they even know what has transpired. If not, they'll surely find out in the morning. I wonder how Brian will ever get over this.

If you want my expert veterinary opinion, I believe Francisco was cruelly and tragically murdered by none other than myself. He was a good friend and a stalwart companion while he lasted. Probably the saddest $12.50 that I've ever spent in my life. Such pain and agony, none other has ever known. Forgive me, world; I am not fit to be a pet owner.

In grief and despair,

Jason Scott Vawter

PS- I will leave you all with this one final picture so as to remember only the happy times we had together.

My new pet Parrot!!!

So Check out my new pet parrot!!!

This dude is so sweet. Based on advice from Cleo, the cleaning lady, it's going to be called Fransisco, (or Fco short, except that the "co" is supposed to be written in superscript like the "st" in 1st cause that's how they do that name down here).

He's quite the little bird. I still have no clue whether it's a male or a female and I keep getting weird advice to that end. Apparently the girls are the only ones that talk. (No comment)

He hasn't said anything yet, but he's still pretty young. If you are able to take a closer look at him or look at him in the sunlight, you can see that he's got some red and blue on his forhead as well as some deep blue on his wings when he unfurls them.

If anyone knows much about parrots, I'd be glad for the advice. At the moment I've found that his favorite food is chips. I have yet to get him turned on to hot sauce, but mark my words... he'll like it. I've heard that birds aren't affected by capsican (the stuff that make hot food hot). We'll see.

I believe he is less than a year old (maybe less than a few months), and thereby still not fully grown. I'm almost completely sure that he's an Amazon Parrot (more of a family than a species). And as far as I can tell beyond that (from pictures on Wikipedia) I think he might be a Puerto Rican Parrot. Here's what Wikipedia has to say about this kind of Parrot:

"The species is the only remaining native parrot in United States territory and one of the 10 most endangered bird species in the world. Conservation efforts were started in 1968 to save this species from likely extinction. As of 2006 the total wild population is estimated at 44 individuals."

Now obviously if my is Puerto Rican, he wouldn't be one of those 44... but Brian (who's really quite a scaredy-cat when it comes to Fco) believes that the only logical choice right now is to offer it to a zoo or aviary somewhere. It's a good thing there aren't any real close, or I think Brian might just go ahead and take the initiative himself. Ha.

One of his wings is already clipped, but it really takes all the beautiful colors out when you do that. I hope he molts soon after he desides that my fingers aren't the boogy man.

Oh by the way... I only paid $12.50 for the bird and his cage. ;-) I'm sure my mom will be proud since parrots in the states are much closer to the $200-400 price range. :-D

I'm happy.

Trusting God

As for the valley/dessert I was/am in, Pastor Strickland read my mail in the service Sunday morning.  He preached on valleys, and it was right after (and I mean minutes) I wrote that blog post.  It was really what I needed to hear.  He talked about three different valleys mentioned in the Old Testament.  One of them was from Psalm 84 when it was talking about the Valley of Baca (this means tears).  It says that as they pass through the Vally of Baca, they will make it full of springs and pools of water.  It reminded me of something Ms. Peggy said... She said that sometimes God has us in dry places so that we will learn how to dig a well that will serve us for many years to come.  Like when Jacob came back to the wells of his dad and grandfather and re-dug them... it was a little troublesome at the beginning, but once they dug the wells they had all the water they ever needed, even when it was really dry.  (It didn't hurt that Ps 84 had a ton of other great stuff in it from really relavant and recent songs)

 

And I think that's what God has been trying to get me to do.  I use to try to tank up every morning (usually) by reading or praying and then it wouldn't take more than a few seconds for me to get distracted.  But now, instead of just coasting through, I've been having to stop and stay almost constantly aware of God's presence and guidance.  It's so much more step by step.  I can't really get guidance for the next mile, I have to take it for the next moment.

 

And today was pretty good.

 

Actually, a few moments ago, I found out about one of my students.  GET THIS:

 

One of my 7th grade students, Ninoska Flores (younger sister of Diana), has had severe scoliosis for a good while.  She always wears a brace that's very visible, and although that would be good reason for many 7th graders to become constantly self-conscious and gloomy, she's always got a smile on her face.  She's always happy.

 

I had 7A last period for music (that's her class), and I gave them a test which was a hard, and, admittedly a little hastily put together.  Well, when I got home and started to grade the tests, hers was on top and the very first thing I see written on it (like some banner on the top of a web page that usually stays ignored) was, "Today I was healed; my back is great!"

 

What?  Exactly what does that mean?  I decide to ask Daniel and he says, yeah, it was a big deal.  She's been asking Carolyn for prayer for the past week and today Carolyn felt the desire to pray for her during one of her free periods.  So Carolyn asked to have a few students come out of class and go to the sanctuary.  I was aware of this, but I didn't know why.  I thought she might have been practicing for a chapel or something.  Well, she and the other students pray and, no joke, Ninoska's back straightens out, her shoulder blade grows out, and so does one of her legs.  Huh?  She says she immediately felt better, except of course for one foot which was now too big for the special shoes she's been wearing.  She wanted to stop wearing her brace, but Carolyn said she should ok it with her parents and a doctor first.

 

Now, I've been working through the first few chapters of Acts with my students and one of the things I'm big on is making sure we read it as if it's happening right now.  I mean, every time we come to something remotely miraculous, I ask them, "Would you believe it if it happened now?"  I'm not talking about the ever present today, I'm asking, if it happened in the real today, would you believe it?  And of course the answer is usually no; maybe if it was someone we know.  Maybe.  But even in that case, we're more likely to think that the person is just over reacting.  Maybe they're just confused.  Maybe... maybe it's just a coincidence.

 

Talk about amazing.  I'm floored just thinking about all this.  I can't believe that the girl didn't scream it to me as soon as I walked through the door.  Apparently she went through PE without shoes because they were uncomfortable.  Ha!  What a wonderful problem!  And one of the students that was asked to pray for her sat weeping on the sancutary floor for the greater part of an hour just overwhelmed that God had moved so mightily and had chosen to use him.  I'm told this was a visual thing and that no one who was there doubted it.  It wasn't, "I think I saw that"; it was certain and for sure.

 

This is where I want to be.  I don't mind the step by step guidance, so long as I know God's with me.  Sure, I think I'd rather see the road ahead, but you know... I think it's more exciting when it's step by step.  It's like a game, where you've got a blindfold on, but instead of being lead around by a friend... it's Someone a little better.  :-D

Prayer

Spiritually I have been going through a tough time these past few
weeks. Things have been rough and I have felt empty and week. The
hardest part has been the lack of specific guidance. I obviously know
that I'm supposed to be here in Honduras, but I'm confused as to where
and how. There are many options open to me, many honor-filled things
that I can do. And this should make me happy and joyfilled, but I'm
just left confused. I'm not sure where to put effort first. And, I'm
also confused about other areas of my life.

If any of you have the time, I would greatly appreciate prayer for
this area. I know this seems like a rather vague request, but it's a
very serious on. Spiritually, this is a very difficult and hard time
for me. I would probably consider it the second hardest time in my
life, spiritually that is. It's a dry place and a desert. I know
that we are supposed to endure these types of places sometimes, but
this one is different. It's affecting my ability to serve and to
minister, not just my personal happiness or enjoyment.

So, if you have the time and endurance, I would greatly appreciate
your prayers. I've been praying and fasting about this myself for a
good while now, but still haven't broken through. That's why I'm
asking for your prayers. Maybe sometimes we're not meant to "press
through" without help.

Gratefully yours.