My Stand on Select Contemporary Moral Issues

 As a pre-note to all this, allow me to point out my view on sin in general. I believe that God looks at sin in our lives in the same way a parent views a toddler touching a hot stove. He hates sin because He knows it will destroy us. In the church we often look at sin differently, as if its mere existence will ruin God’s reputation. My God is all-powerful and will not be ruined.

On earth, Jesus cared for the sinner and discussed them as needing a doctor. When we as a church care more about the existence of sin than we do the people who that sin is primarily hurting (the sinners), I believe we aren’t acting with Christ’s compassion. In the same vein, while all sin is equal in that it separates us from God, each sin has its own consequences. Parents do not view a toddler touching a hot stove the same as them playing with a loaded gun. Similarly, I believe God views some sins as being more severe than others, for the sake of our own spiritual safety. While all sin leads to death, some do so much more quickly.

Also, it’s important for me to state that I recognize I am a sinner. I’m no better than a bum on the street or a murderer. Except for God’s grace, that’s exactly what I would be.


Abortion
Abortion stops a human life that is genetically distinct from that of the mother. In my eyes this is no different than killing an innocent human being. Ironically it is often committed by someone who is scared and pressured into feeling like she has no other choice. We shouldn’t ignore the intense pressures felt by a mother who is contemplating abortion. She is in much greater need of encouragement than condemnation.


Divorce
God hates divorce (Mal 2:16). Similarly, doctors hate amputations. There may be situations where a husband or wife has the spiritual right to a divorce. And at times it truly may be the "best" option; but just like amputation, it is never a good option. It almost always brings more pain and brokenness than the situation already contains.


Pre-marital sex
This is a form of extra-marital sex (a.k.a. adultery) and is forbidden by God. I have no doubt that He forbade it because it sets up a budding relationship for failure and heartache. In a very simple sense, it allows the man to get what he is looking for without committing to the woman or giving her any sort of security in exchange.


Homosexuality
This is a sin forbidden by God multiple places in scripture. Although some may argue that it is lustful homosexuality that’s forbidden and not homosexuality itself, I find this to be an extremely evasive and week argument. Interestingly, someone might describe themselves as a homosexual even though they have never acted in a lude manner with another man. But remember in God’s economy, temptation is not the same as sin.
Also, this is almost the same sin as pre-marital sex, pornography, or erotic literature. All of these sins seek to destroy the pure and holy ecstasy God designed for a man and a woman to share in the safety of the marriage bed.


Addictions
God desires for us to live a life free from all other masters. We are not to be slaves to anything other than to Christ. Addictions to tobacco, prescription or illegal drugs, alcohol, or pornography are all forms of slavery. Addictions keep us from pursuing Him fully and slowly eat up our life. He longs for us to live an abundant life. Ask an addict what type of life they are living and few will describe it as "abundant." If they realize how hard it is to stop, they sadly might use words like, "surviving," "depressed," or even, "suicidal." God gives us boundaries and rules because He doesn’t want His children to deal with needless hardship.

Back at the daily grind... almost.

So I type this as I sit in the USM choral office at 8am.  SOMEONE didn't recheck the gathering time and came a little early.  Oops.  :)

The daily grind.  :D

My prayer this morning as I drank delicious CR coffee and read my Bible was that God would help me stay strong and deep in my relationship with Him.  It's so tempting to go back to "normal" after any deep experience, isn't it?

In my huge blocks of time alone in CR, it was not uncommon at all for me to spend 2 hours in prayer and Bible reading, and to enjoy it.  So many times here, I just don't have the time.  Which I realize is simply self-deception.  The truth is that I have the same amount of time everyone else on this earth has. And even more true than that is that I can't really live without having that close, deep, abiding relationship with Him.  Sure I can live... but it's not abundant, joyful, and even enjoyable as God intends it to be.

I was talking with Chris the other day about something I think will strike you strange and potentially heretical.  I think it's possible to get to heaven without a personal relationship with Jesus.

Don't shoot yet.

I believe that a personal relationship with Jesus is like the concept of the Trinity.  It's obvious in the New Testament even though it's never mentioned by name (or phrase).  And let me be clear: there is no mistaking the fact that Jesus unequivocally said Himself that He is the way, the truth, and the life and that NO ONE can come to the Father except through Him.  Nevertheless, I believe we will see people in Heaven who came through Jesus, but never experienced the joy and satisfaction of an abundant life or relationship with Him.  Seriously.  I mean be honest with yourself: how often would you describe your life as "abundant" or "enjoyable" or "joyful" or.... extraordinary?

Pentecostals often like to talk about people who will be in heaven without ever experiencing the overfilling of the Holy Spirit and the power and supernatural life that follows that baptism.  But yet, how many of them (or rather US) don't even have the closeness of that personal relationship with Jesus?  Remember, I'm not talking about salvation here.  What good is the power without the relationship?

As for me... I'm tired of the daily grind and I want nothing more to do with it.  From now on I want the deepness of extravagant time spent on Jesus.  Nothing else will do.  And if someone reading this sees me begin to settle for less, by all means SAY SOMETHING!  :)

Coming home(s)!

So....

I`m super excited to be coming home(s)!!! (Fayetteville and Hattiesburg here I come!)

Yesterday was filled with friends and food; perfect life right?

Today will be filled with a little more of the same.

To Mac and Chelsea... you HAVE to check out my new shirt.  It has braile!  Sweet.

Also... You might notice that I´ve made a few changes to my blog.  Some people have been asking to have me email them updates.  Well, now you can sign up to get them emailed to you if you want! (Look for the link to the right.)  You can also follow other ways if you like.

Spiritual Warfare in Concert

I believe Worship is the most effective form of spiritual warfare.  What follows is the capstone piece of our program notes for tomorrow's concert.  I'm praying that those who attend the concert will be changed by what the words and music they hear.  Will you pray with me?

~

In Joshua chapter 6, we watch the army of Israel preceded by the Ark of God, which itself is preceded by 7 priests blowing 7 trumpets.  In this case worship IS the warfare and is leading the very symbol of the manifest presence of God.  As you know, the Israelites are instructed to remain completely silent as they march around the city once each day for 6 days.  On the 7th day they march around 7 times in complete silence with tension constantly building until finally the trumpets blow and they let out a terrifying shout.  I believe this was an energetic shout of praise to the Lord!

Also take for example King Jehoshaphat and the army of Judah who faced impossible odds against the combined forces of Moab and Ammon.  Instead of wallowing in fear, King Jehoshaphat placed his faith in the Lord of Hosts and encouraged his army to do the same. Then the Bible says that:

After consulting the people, Jehoshaphat appointed men to sing to the Lord and to praise him for the splendor of his holiness as they went out at the head of the army, saying:

“Give thanks to the Lord,
    for his love endures forever.”

As they began to sing and praise, the Lord set ambushes against the men of Ammon and Moab and Mount Seir who were invading Judah, and they were defeated.

So why all this talk about spiritual warfare before a song asking for peace?  Truly, the words “Dona Nobis Pacem” are Latin for “Grant us Peace.”  However peace is also mentioned in one of the greatest passages on spiritual warfare written by Paul to the Ephesians.  In discussing the “full armor of God” Paul says,

Stand firm then [...] with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.

The Gospel that gives us peace with God is the firm footing which allows us to fight spiritually.  It is what allows us to praise Him and abandon our own self interests and desires and instead to “seek first His kingdom and His righteousness” knowing that He truly desires what is best for us.

Let me encourage you tonight to ask God for that peace which comes from His Son.  As we sing the words “Dona Nobis Pacem” would you say them in your heart with us? And I also invite you to sing or hum along out loud if you know the song.  God will provide you with that peace through His Son Who loves you more than any other person who has ever lived, ever could.

Spiritual Warfare

I'm stoked that over the last couple of posts my blog now has more than 2000 page-views.  Hip hip...

Thanks to all who have been lifting me up in prayer, especially this past week.  I've been praying specifically for the things I mentioned at the bottom of the last post, which in a phrase is "open doors."  It's a bit long to explain again.  Nevertheless, one of the things that I don't remember mentioning before but which has been on my mind is this: I've been wondering how what I do could really be useful to God.  And I mean in a spiritual warfare, Ephesians 6 type of way.  I want to be actively fighting the good fight and not simply sauntering the spiritual saunter.

Yesterday, I had the wonderful opportunity to hear Anna's story of how she was drawn into her ministry field and started Light Force International.  It's a riveting story.  But the end result was I was left feeling more than inadequate.  I felt like all my dreams and hopes were hopelessly small.  Like if I got everything I wanted and was able to serve God to the absolute fullness of all my dreams... I would not be making much of a difference.  It was incredibly humbling.  And a little confusing.  I wondered if maybe God was using this as another stepping stone.  Maybe He was simply getting me to a place where I was willing to give up working with choirs.  And... I am willing to do that, even more now than before.

However...

This morning I had the wonderful opportunity to worship at a small, lower class Christian school here in San Jose.  I went there with one of Josh's teams.  During the worship, God reminded me of something that Anna said that I have believed for some time but never really contemplated.  She said that in her opinion,

"Worship is the best form of spiritual warfare."

Wow.

And I think I'll end with that. :)

Missions Update

Since my last few blog posts have been mainly exhortations about prayer and fighting, maybe some are wondering how things are going.  I think it may be time for an update, and since I'm on a missions trip, we'll call it a missions update.

Perhaps the most exciting of all is the concert that's coming up on the 29th at 6pm here at Unanime in Zapote.*  Good news and bad: the concert will cost 3,000 Colones, which makes it both relatively expensive, AND the first concert I've ever conducted with a ticket price.  Not bad, all told.

For experienced choristers in the US (and for those here in CR) I should be honest and tell you that this is a beginning choir.  We've spent a great deal of time working on things like choral blend, basic (and I mean BASIC) sight reading, holding your own part against others, dynamics, energy, and other basic musicality.  I am proud of how far they've come, especially with only 5 practices thus far and only 2 more before our dress rehearsal.  The line up is as follows.  Some of my previous singers might recognize a few songs...

• "When Jesus Wept" by William Billings
• 4 Canons by Mozart
• "Viva la Musica"
• "Dona Nobis Pacem"
• "Alleluia"
• "Rosen fra Fyn" (with other words)
• "Eres Tú Jesús, Dios Mío" by J.S. Bach
• This is "Wohl mir, daß ich Jesum habe" (otherwise known as Jesu Joy of Man's Desiring in English) from Bach's Herz und Mund und Tat und Leben
• ¡Oh Rostro Ensangrentado! by J.S. Bach
• This is a Spanish translation of "O Haupt voll Blut und Wunden" (otherwise known as O Sacred Head, Now Wounded in English) as harmonized by Bach in his St. Matthew's Passion.

I've already had plenty of opportunity to tie the actual meanings of the words to the faith which most of us in the Choir share.  This is one of the main reasons I came, and I'm grateful that God has given me this opportunity.  Even though there are other important (and more mundane) things that require my attention, this is what I'm most excited about.

Not all of the "other things" are pedantic.  Some are also enjoyable.  I've had a chance to work alongside the missions teams with children in lower class neighborhoods.  I've enjoyed getting to know Josh and April and better understand their ministry here.  Hopefully some of these ideas will even be useful to Chris when I return to USM.  I've grown closer to God through the expanded time He has given me to draw closer to Him in prayer, Bible study, memorization, meditation, and worship.  And I've also had a chance to get MUCH better with Spanish, although I need so much more practice and training.  I praise God for all of it.

Less than 2 weeks left!!!

~

* Unanime is the name of the Evangelical church where the World Alive Music offices are located, and Zapote is the name for a specific neighborhood in San Jose.  Here are some directions if any of my state-side friends would like to come (or if you'd just like to see a satellite photo of the church).

~ ~ ~

Prayer request:
If you are available, would you pray with me daily from Monday the 22nd to Friday the 26th? I'm praying that God will remove any and all barriers between me and His call on my life to serve Him on the mission field.  Some of these barriers include:

• Personal barriers
• pray for spiritual readiness
• emotional readiness
• Administrative barriers
• red-tape removed
• favor with my spiritual authorities
• knowledge and wisdom on their part to know where I should be
• a willing, submissive, and obedient heart on my part
• Financial barriers
• selling my house in TN
• raising the monthly budget that will be set for me
• Any other barrier you or I think of.
• And... those barriers that I won't see until they come up (or don't come up).

Thanks so much for all your help!

What I needed today...

This was just what I needed this morning; maybe you'll agree. It came by way of Mikey's Funnies (a favorite of mine).

By Michael Halleen

"Then the peoples around them set out to discourage the people of Judah and make them afraid to go on building." (Ezra 4:4)

An old story says that the Devil once held a sale of all the tools of his trade. Everything was displayed—keen-edged daggers of jealousy, sledge-hammers of anger, manacles of greed, arrows of covetousness and spears of deception—all available at bargain prices. Nearby was a table holding the more subtle weapons of vanity, fear, envy and pride.

 

But in a place of honor, framed and set apart from all the others, was a small wedge, marked and dented from frequent use. The name on this wedge was Discouragement, and its price was higher by far than any other tool being sold. Asked the reason for this surprising difference, the Devil explained, "It's because this is the tool I use when all the others fail. Let me get that little wedge into a person's consciousness and it opens the way for everything else! It's provided more opportunities for me than any other!"

The people of Judah, freed from exile in Babylon late in the 6th Century B.C., returned to their land to rebuild the city of Jerusalem and its great Temple. But those who had been living in the land during the interim were not happy with the new arrangement and did whatever they could to discourage the rebuilding. Official letters of accusation, appeals, threats, intimidation, sabotage of the work in progress—and more—all served to slow down the work and even brought it to a complete halt for some sixteen years.

The wedge of discouragement is still as effective a weapon as any the Enemy has in his arsenal. There are shields, however, that offer protection:

~ Patience. God's delays are not necessarily God's denials.
~ Responsibility. Don't blame your lack of progress on others. We are where we are through our choices alone.
~ Courage. Be willing to do what you fear.
~ Wisdom. Be open to reconsidering your goals and revising your plans.
~ A quiet heart. Be at peace. Put the burden down and rest until your heart is still.
~ Faithfulness. Look up. Hold simply to God and to the journey God has set you on.

For the people of Judah 26 centuries ago, the shields held. Work resumed, and the city and its Temple were rebuilt. Strong leadership prevailed. Persistence won the day. Goals were reached, victories won. The wedge of discouragement can slow — but need not stop — the progress of the people of God.

-----------------

You can contact Mike at mhalleen@mediacombb.net. Also check out Mike's book "You Are Rich: Discovering Faith in Everyday Moments":
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1597523437/mikeysfunnies-20

Copyright 2008 Dr. Michael A. Halleen. Permission is granted to send this to others, with attribution, but not for commercial purposes.

today'sTHOT============================

Dear God: I have a problem. It's me.

Hey you!

"The Lord is with you when you are with him.

If you seek him, he will be found by you,

but if you forsake him, he will forsake you."

2 Chrn 15:2

"When I called, they did not listen;

so when they called, I would not listen,"

says the LordAlmighty.

Zech 7:13

As a prisoner for the Lord, then,

I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received.

Ephesians 4:1

Our Choice ("Prayer" part 3)

So... these previous two posts (see parts 1 and 2) beg the seemingly audacious and yet honest question:

"Why ask God for something if it's already His will?"

First let me defend the question as being valid.  We've already laid out that God has more than enough power to get what He wants.  If something is in His will why should I pray for it to happen?  Won't it happen whether or not I pray?  I think the answer to this is both yes and no.

God is ultimately in control (sovereign), but there are many things in which He desires to interact with us.  This is both in positive vs. negative ways as well as creative (morally neutral ways).

Good vs. Evil
As strange as it seems, God's ultimate will is that we would have ours.  Huh?  Really.  Even more than God wants His own choices to govern your life, God wants you to have your way.  That sound's too strange to be orthodox, but it's really not.  C. S. Lewis says it this way:

There are only two kinds of people in the end: those who say to God, "Thy will be done," and those to whom God says, in the end, "They will be done." All that are in Hell, choose it.  Without that self-choice there could be no Hell.  No one that seriously and constantly desires joy will ever miss it.  Those who seek find.  Those who knock it is opened.

So, although it sounds strange, God wants or wills more that you would have your way then that He force His own "opinions" about morality on you.  (I use this term only because some in our culture and even in our churches are completely deceived into thinking that morality is simply a collection of personal opinions.) God's perfect will is only done in our lives when our will lines up with His.  He has chosen to limit Himself to only getting His way when I get mine.  So in a way, yes, I believe that God's will won't happen in our lives unless we show through prayer that our will is lined up with His.

Creative Choice
So many times as Christians we act as if our only choices in life are moral ones.  It's like every single decision is a choice between right and wrong.  That doesn't make any sense, and it's just plain not true.


To prove my point, look at the first job ever recorded in the Bible. Adam was asked by God to name the animals.  Simple little story, almost silly in nature (nature... get it? ;).  But it's evidence that God invites us to join Him in creation.  Of course we're not creating something out of literal nothingness, but we are nevertheless invited to join His Creative work through writing, making music, cooking, making silly puns, or even forming our own sentences when we speak.  There's no getting out of it by saying, "I'm not a creative person." We are all obliged to participate in some way or another.

So what does that have to do with prayer?  Well, take another look at Elijah.  As James points out:

"Elijah was a human being, even as we are. He prayed earnestly that it would not rain, and it did not rain on the land for three and a half years. Again he prayed, and the heavens gave rain, and the earth produced its crops."

Was it God's Will to keep the rain from the earth?  The short answer is yes.  But I think there is a more interesting answer than that.  I believe it was God's will (or choice) to teach Ahab and the people of Israel a lesson, but that it was Elijah's choice (or will) to teach that lesson through a drought. God allowed Elijah to pick the way the lesson was conveyed

Conclusion
There are many other examples I could point too, but I'm going to take the easy (and shorter) way out and simply say that the Scriptures make it abundantly clear that God wants to have personal interactions with us.  He wants us to bring our needs to Him and He wants to meet those needs. And to be sure... there are many ways besides God that we can meet our own needs (or at least try to), but God wants us to come to Him.

Allow me to make one more illustration.  Growing up, my parents provided for my needs.  My mom knew that I would require food about three times a day and that once a week or so, I would probably need my clothes washed.  But if I never asked her to do those things and instead just expected those things of her, wouldn't that be ungrateful and borderline offensive?  Even though they are things that she would gladly do for me, to expect them without asking or even being grateful post facto seems so... wrong.

How much more so with God!  If I should be thankful to my Mother for meeting my needs, shouldn't I be more thankful to God?  And if my mother should have the right to hope I will ask things of her that she already knows I need, shouldn't God have that right in my life even more?   Yes.  And how joyful the experience is when we participate with Him in accomplishing His will through our own creative effort!

Christian-ese ("Prayer" part 2)

~ continued from "Prayer" part 1 ~

Sorry... I have no amazing conclusion to today's previous post.  This is simply something I've begun to realize more and more lately.  I'm beginning to realize that all these amazing promises we so often hold onto (like the ones discussed in the last post) come with a HUGE caveat.  It's something that we frequently look over--if not completely ignore.  These promises only hold true if we are in God's will.

That neat little phrase we tag onto the end of every prayer in Christendom... you know the one that helps us know the prayer is over and that signifies to all the daydreamers that they should come back to earth now.  It actually means something.  "In Jesus' name" should mean that what we're asking for is actually in the will of God.  I would go a step further and say that if what we're praying for is not in God's will.... then in reality we're using His name in vain.  I would dare say this is a much more sad and even hurtful thing to God then the two phrases Christians most often get upset about in popular culture: the careless use of the phrase "Oh my God" in a movie, or even the phrase GD (although even I'm not going to say that one).

Since that's an incredible claim, let me back it up.  When I was growing up, I began to realize I had a lot of power over my younger siblings when I said "because Mom [or Dad] said so."  Some of you already see where I'm going with this.  Greg and Stacey were pretty smart though and eventually realized that I wasn't always telling the truth.  I could embellish this story, but I think I've made my point.

Many of us have lost the power of our prayer for the simple reason that we are lying when we pray.  We are vainly using the name of the Risen Christ.  We are boldly declaring to spiritual brothers and sisters, to God and Satan that what we are asking of God is actually His will.  The sad reality is that we haven't spent the time to find out what God's specific will is.  We haven't sought His face.  We are lying and we couldn't care less.  We are lying during our prayer!

Truth be told, old habits die hard and I still use this phrase regularly.  Much to my own chagrin.  But, I have committed to God to change.  Not necessarily to stop saying it, but rather to mean it when I do and to not say it if I'm praying for something which I'm not sure God wants.  And I think this is very important.

Why is it important?  It's important because I want my prayers to be powerful like Jesus', or like Elijah's who James points out "was a human being, even as we are. He prayed earnestly that it would not rain, and it did not rain on the land for three and a half years."  I want my prayers to be "powerful and effective," rather than limp and lifeless.  I want God to be impressed with my prayers in the same way a parent might be impressed with how quickly their child is learning.

~ to be continued ~

Not Fair ("Prayer" part 1)

I was just reading this morning about the disciples crossing the Sea of Galilee in the boat during the storm. This is the one in Mark where Jesus is actually in the boat sleeping. They wait and wait, not wanting to disturb him, presumably thinking they are experienced boatmen and can handle the situation. Finally realizing the seriousness and deadliness of their predicament, they wake him up. And what do they get in return? A scolding: "Why were you afraid? Do you STILL have no faith?"

Honestly... this seemed very unfair. I've read this more than a few times and I'm still caught off guard by it. What exactly did they do wrong? I had to go back and scan the 6 short verses to figure it out.

Should they not have tried to handle the situation? No. They were trained sailors; surely Jesus wasn't expecting them to ignore the training they had. In a way, wasn't that training provided by Him? Yes.

Should they not have woken Him? Maybe Jesus gets grumpy when he first wakes up. Ha! That's a funny thought--albeit completely irrational. No, they went to the right source, the One who could fix the problem.

I think the problem may have been in the way they came to Him... and that's a little hard for me to understand. They came scared. They woke him up as a last resort (even though I believe it was good for them to apply the boat training they have), and when they did they were afraid for their lives, wondering whether or not Jesus could take care of this.

So... I'm still a bit confused. It's a sin to be afraid? Maybe... I'm not sure. What if the fear is simply evidence of a lack of faith?

In Philippians 4 Paul says: "Rejoice in the Lord always! And again I say rejoice!" We don't usually rejoice when we're afraid for our lives... or when we're afraid about anything.

"Let your gentleness be evident to all, the Lord is near." What does this have to do with it? I'm not sure, I just didn't want to cut out the verse simply because it didn't fit. Maybe they weren't gentle when they woke Him up. :)


"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, with prayer and petition--with thanksgiving--bring your requests to God." My guess is they didn't wake Him up with thanksgiving, but instead were extremely anxious. And that anxiousness probably came because they didn't really believe He could--or would--fix the situation. (We'll come back to the "would" later). Already at this point, only 4 chapters into the book of Mark, they had heard multiple demons testifying to the fact that He is "the Son of God." They had seen miracles and signs and wonders and anything else you can imagine. They had plenty of proof. Furthermore, Jesus had said "Let us go over to the other side." They knew that's what He wanted. Shouldn't the Son of God get what He wants? Much beyond that, shouldn't He be ABLE to get what He wants? Surely He has the power to do so.

"And the peace of God--which transcends all understanding!--will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus!" I think this is simply the evidence that happens after the obedience/faith. Just like Bonhoeffer says, "Only the believing obey, and only the obedient believe." Obedience and faith are really one in the same you can't have either without the other. The peace comes because we believe that God is going to take care of it. We aren't afraid because we know that He's still in charge. We have done what we are supposed to do: we have brought our request to Him. We've already sought His guidance and know that we're doing what He wants. So again... shouldn't the King of the Universe be able to get what He wants? Like Paul says in Romans:

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Could I substitute the word "will" for the word "love" in that last sentence without being a heretic? I think so. Just like nothing can separate us from God's Love... of course nothing can separate us from His will. The God of the universe gets what He wants.


So... now we come back to the question which was never stated but which is--if we are honest--the one way our situation usually differs dramatically from that of the disciples in the boat. It is the REAL problem even though we rarely think it is. This foundational question is,

"Do we really know the will of God for our life?"

Sadly, I think that in many ways we don't. We know the general principles laid out in scripture, but we have never spent the extravagant amount of time on Jesus to sit and hear from Him what He specifically wants from us. We talk about a personal relationship... but we often haven't truly made it personal. Can we claim that it's personal if we only ever apply scripture in the same way that it's applied to everyone else? If Jesus only ever talks to me in the same way that He talks to every other Christian at my church and if He only says the same things to me as to them... exactly what about that is personal? That sounds very much like a form letter to me. Where's the personal part???

I truly believe that God is willing, or much more rather eager to lavish that on us. But it's not something that happens quickly. It takes time. Intimacy isn't an in and out type of thing, quickly happening and then done, ready for the next part of life. In a truly deep relationship, intimacy IS the very relationship itself. The relationship is contained in the closeness, the whispered words, even the time spent even simply looking into each other. And that does not happen quickly. But WOW is it worth it! Every second spent on that closeness with Him will not be regretted.

~ to be continued ~

First rehearsal!

If you haven't already, you should check out the video of the choir at our first practice.

I'm excited.  We had around 70-80 for our first practice and Randdy says we actually have close to 100 signed up.

It's a good choir.  I was worried that they would be beyond me, but I feel we are well matched.  They are a little green and truth be told, so am I.  We are working on some easier rounds and such.  It was a good choice since many of them don't read music and a lot of our learning is by rote.  On the other hand, I do encourage them to look at the music and I explained the very basics of music reading to them (when the ball goes up, the pitch should follow it, etc.).

~

The amazing high of this 2 hour rehearsal was preceded by another emotional moment in my life: a straightforward, sincere, and introspective discussion with John, the missionary with many hats who is involved with administration at the national Bible college.  I was extremely honored because he spent a little time before our meeting reading my blog.  Seriously!  It made me feel like I was really worth his time.  I'm humbled.

Speaking of which, as a side note, I learned last night at the rehearsal I have gained at least one Tica (Costa Rican) reader.  Bewteen her and John I can now say my blog has international readership! ;)

But, back to the conversation.  The talk with John seemed to point in the direction of me working as an MA with him (or Josh) and Randdy.  This would lead to possibly helping them firm up the "specialty" they've been working on.  The Bible college offers specialties instead of Costa Rican accredited degrees (even though they ARE accredited by the A/G).  Furthermore, from what I understand John and Randdy are looking at combining World Alive Music with the Bible college so that both are more credible.

This is EXACTLY what I've been looking for--for the last 7 years!--and have only really passively dreamed about because I didn't see it being a real possibility.  Not because with God all things are almost possible (of COURSE that's not true!), but rather because I understand that something like this would take many people to work on and it's not something ANYONE does alone.  It requires administration that's already primed for the idea, and a school of music that is run with excellence.  I have no talent in teaching piano, guitar, voice, etc. at the college level.  My gifting are in Choir and a little in administration (which at the moment is little more than a raw, untrained, un-honed skill).  Truly this is what I've been hoping for.

I know that this won't be easy.  Although I haven't experienced the difficulty of the work necessary to truly start a choir program at the college level, thanks to my wealth of friends in Jasper, TN I have experienced the difficulties of beginning a choir program.  God has prepared me for this.  He has trained me.  But to use teacher terminology, I still have much formative assessment ahead of me.  Think "on the job training" because I believe that's what God's in the business of doing.  He trains you while you work.  You're never fully prepared for a job... that would mean you could do it on your own.  Wouldn't that rob Him of the miracle of accomplishment?  I think so.

~

PS-

Why MA and not fully appointed Missionary?  I'm not entirely sure, but the short answer is "because it's complicated."  I'll know more as I walk through this, but it seems MA is the natural next step unless I was already a credentialed minister with the A/G.

Mob Mentality

We had a team in this past week, so I've been incredibly busy!  There was a couple times I've been talking to friends online and had to leave suddenly; if that was you, please forgive me.

As of yet, I haven't had a chance to talk with John Dahlager, the missionary of many hats.  I'm still praying and looking forward to our lunch meeting on Monday.  I'm still very unsure of what decision to make, but I'm leaning away from being an MA (see my previous post).  It just feels too temporary and indecisive to me. I'd rather just go ahead and commit to pursuing fully appointed missionary status or coming down here simply as a Christian worker who has a job "on the economy". Also... since John (or Dr. Dahlager rather) is in the administration at the national Bible college, I'm expecting this to be a very productive and enlightening discussion.

As I type, I'm sitting here at the World Alive Music (WAM) building.  They've got tests and other things going on right now, so there's not as much to see.  The choir should start up this coming Tuesday (we've delayed the start to have a few more days to advertise).  Randdy said that we already have around 50 signed up!  And he said he expects around 100 to show up for our first meeting.  THAT's exciting.  With numbers like that, we can go to slightly more difficult stuff.  Mass choirs are notorious for what Dr. Fuller calls the "mob mentality": thinking that your own voice, sound production, and subsequent pursuit of excellence doesn't matter.  However... it also has some benefits.  For beginning singers it's much easier to sing the correct pitch when there is a wall of sound behind you singing the same note you should be.  Choral blend can also be much easier to accomplish when you are quickly lost in the mass.  That's good.

~

As an afterword... here is a link to the promo video they made of me as an advertisement for the choir.  And if you want to keep up with what's happening at WAM (and happen to read Spanish) you can check out the WAM Facebook page.

So... what exactly IS a missionary, anyway?

Josh and I went to talk with a few students at a satellite school for UNA that are planning to start a "Proyecto U" group (that's what Chi Alpha is called here).  Since it was out in the countryside, we got to talk for a long while during our scenic drive.  I had asked him some time ago if we could discuss the definition of "missionary."  It has been troublesome to me as of late because that which I want to to with my life isn't strictly what "normal" missionaries do (isn't that a loaded word?!).  This is both because I wouldn't be in any pastoral role, but also because I would be serving in an area where Christianity should be multiplying through the local church. What I mean is that some places shouldn't need missionaries and instead should be sending them.  I also wanted to discuss with him my plans for the future, what possibilities lie ahead, as well as what my next step might be.

Well, I don't know that my first question was really answered.  I guess if I have an answer, its "Don't worry about what a missionary is or isn't.  Just do what you're called to do."  Sounds like sound advice to me.

So the second question... the expanded version includes a portion about me not wanting to raise support both because I just don't want to (let me clearly state that I understand this is NOT a valid reason) and also because I am unsure that what I want to do really falls in the category of what deserves money designated as "missions."  For example... the first time I saw that commercial that looks like it should be about starving children in Africa but instead is actually about abused pets in the states, I actually laughed out loud.  And then I was disturbed that people would actually be duped into giving money to such a silly cause when there actually are starving children in African and elsewhere that are served by wonderful organizations that feed, cloth, and teach them (and that's before we even get to the part about sharing the Gospel!).  Now... I understand that music in the church is a very useful and even Biblical thing... but is it a missions thing?  I don't know.

And... I guess the same answer applies: "Don't worry about what is and isn't missions.  Just do what you're called to do."  Still sounds like sound advice.

Now to the meat of the second question: what are my possibilities for the future and what should I be doing to actuate them?

After my conversation with him, this is where I've decided to walk--in prayer and with my eyes and ears open to what God might say.  First I plan on having a good long talk with John (if I remembered his last name, I'd tell you what it is). He's the missionary that got me plugged in with Randdy Durán, the administrator of World Alive Music.  He grew up on the missions field with his mom and dad who are also A/G missionaries and have recently retired (I think?), but who are still here in Costa Rica.  As a side note...I like the idea of never retiring, at least not in the traditional, spend-the-rest-of-my-days-

relaxing type of way.  He and his wife (and whole family I think) are also musicians and I just found out they they are in administrative positions at the local Bible College.  Hmm.....

Anyway, I'm going to talk with him about the possibility of becoming a Missionary Associate (MA) in January.  I don't know exactly what this would entail, but I'll say what I know.  MA's are usually appointed for 2-3 years to work directly under a fully appointed missionary (that would be John).  Their job would be whatever the missionary deems appropriate. Often this is something the MA and the missionary work out ahead of time.  MA's have to raise their own support just like MAPS and fully appointed Missionaries do; however unlike full missionaries they are usually not allowed to itinerate.  They can only ask friends and family for support, as well as churches where they already know the pastor.  One of the biggest advantages of being an MA is that both the budget and the commitment are "starting size." That simply means, I'm not calling myself a "missionary" or even committing my life to that.  I'm simply walking in the direction I believe God is leading me.

Those are all the bare bones of what an MA does; but here's more specifically what I would be hoping to do.  I'd like to see what John thinks about me pioneering a musical component at the Bible college and if I could possibly be of use to him by bringing down stateside choirs (both from Christian colleges and secular).  This would also give me a chance to become more deeply involved in Café Chorale and to use that experience to become better acquainted with the rich body of Latin Choral music.  I could continue to work with Randdy Durán and possibly start a more permanent choir with World Alive Music.  And possibly most of all (at least on the practical side of things)... I could do all of this--or at least begin to do all of this--while taking full immersion Spanish classes with the CINCEL language school.

So... what do you think?  I also plan to discuss this with Chris & Felicity Buckle, Tony and Lindsay Jones, Billy and Debbie Harper, and Pastor Reynolds as well.  I think after discussing it with all these people, I will most likely have a clear picture of what direction I should head in.

¡Earthquake!

The actual title was originally "A 'Nothing Special' update", but I forgot to press the publish button and now I've remember something that made the week a little more exciting. :)

It's been a very busy week!  And also... a very unbusy week.

Maybe I should say that it's been a not-so-very busy week, but with spurts of intensity sprinkled in for fun.

I just finished updating my website (bet you didn't know I had one!), my bio, and my resume so that they could be translated (at least parts of them).  World Alive Music (or WAM for short) has also asked for a video of me conducting, and I have a couple friends who are so incredibly graciously working on uploading a copy of my most recent recital for me.  On Martes (that's Tuesday by the way, and not Monday... I keep getting those two confused) I'm going to come into the office and they're going to make a swanky new promo video (like this one!). I'll be sure to post that when it's available.  Luckily, they said they'd be happy to put subtitles and let me answer the interview in English.  Talk about a relief!  I don't think I'd like a video available for the entire world to see how poor my Spanish is!

~

So... about that earthquake...

The other night while watching a movie in Spanish (luckily it was a movie I had already seen in English, otherwise I would have been clueless), I felt the house shaking a bit.  Now truth be told, the house only moved about as much as when Greg or I jump up and down in my parent's house.  Not a ton (ha, get it?), but you definitely know something's up.  But since the house is made out of concrete and the movement was decidedly sideways instead of up and down, I could tell it was an earthquake.  (My host family confirmed along with the next morning's news).

So that make THREE natural disasters that I've experienced in the course of just one year! Hurricane, Tornado, and Earthquake!  The big three!

Ok... so what that my hurricane experience was a wimpy one and that I was probably 100 miles from landfall.  Maybe I can't use the term "disaster" if there's no damage... but I'm sticking to it!  Besides... my experience of a direct hit from an F4 Tornado surely trumps the rest, right?  At least let a man dream! Sheesh.

:)

I may have found a job... at least if I understood the Spanish correctly.

I thought about reprising "You'll never see me again." as a title but... eh. It's been done.  And anyway, it didn't work out quite like I thought it would before. :)

Today I connected with Randdy Durán (that's with 2 D's, or 3 depending on how you count).  He's the administrator of World Alive Music, a Christian conservatory of sorts.  I don't think I can quite explain what happened today, both because I hardly understand it myself (it all happened in Spanish) and also because I'm not sure I believe it's really true.  It's just too amazing.

I told him I was a choir director and that I'm here (in Costa Rica) to work with choirs and with Josh Amiot.  I think he may have taken the "here" to mean at his school because he almost immediately starting naming things we could do.  He wants to have me work with some local church choirs in a master-class type of setting and maybe even start a choir for the short time I'm here this summer.  Uh... what?????  Yeah, remember this guy hasn't seen me conduct or heard me sing or anything.  He doesn't know me from any bum off the street who can't speak Spanish (which granted there aren't many bums here that can't speak Spanish...).  We've already set up a set of 5, 2-hour rehearsals culminating in a recital/concert for a choir that as of yet doesn't even exist.  We start Monday the 24th of June.  Or actually, I start now gathering information and music, and also planning.  This is crazy.  So crazy that I almost cried in his office.  Not very professional, I know.

So, on top of that, while we're talking about the choir (WHICH DOESN'T EVEN EXIST YET!!!!) he asks me what's a good amount to get paid.  "No entiendo."  Apparently I heard right the first time; he was asking me what I wanted to get paid AND HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW ME!  I'm caught off guard.  I told him the truth, which is I don't need money right now, since my way has been paid by friends back home.  (By the way, THANKS you guys!)  However, I also shared with him my dream to live here and to use the body of sacred choral lit to spread the Gospel and grace of Jesus to both the people in the choir as well as to the audience members.  He agrees and then proceeds to tell me how he thinks I can get more than enough work through World Alive to live off of.  He also tells me he has an apartment for rent right by the school for super cheap.  In fact, the other day I was asking some missionary friends and Ticos what a super cheap price would be.  He pretty much named the lowest end of the ranges they were giving me.

Ok. My hands are about to fall off from typing so much, and I still have to find music and prepare for this choir so that he can advertise for the next couple of weeks.

Thank you all for your prayers.  I still need them.  This morning (before my meeting with Randdy) was a very frustrating one where I was asking God why He brought me here and things of this nature...  I guess I got some of an answer already. :)  I don't know which 30 people are reading this blog, whether its the same 30 every time or different or a mix.  Either way, thank you for your prayers.

~

Ok, I'm not gone yet.  If you're still reading, let's play a game.  It's called, "Which costs more?"

1)  Which costs more, a 1-way bus ticket to the beach or 4 cups of coffee at the bus station?

Ha!  I tricked you.  You went for the coffee didn't you?  Well, the $5 bus ticket wins out by a hair over the 4 $1 cups of coffee.


2) Which costs more, a "30cm" (1ft) sub from subway, or SIXTEEN one-way bus tickets from my house to San Jose town-center?

The 12in sub cost only slightly less than 16 $0.50 tickets downtown.


PPS...

Costa Rica is only expensive if you don't let go of the US.  I had a HUGE fried fish platter (honestly more than I could finish) for lunch today that only cost me $4.50.

Choirs this side of the Caribean

I don't know what I really expected when I came here to hear the choirs, but whatever it was, my expectations were INCREDIBLY low.

It seems like everytime we have "Latin" music in the states, its always simplistic.  Put another way, I don't believe I've ever encountered a song with Spanish lyrics that was very rhythmic difficult.  Even the Spanish wasn't too much outside of the normal Latin or Italian difficulty.  But let me assure you... these songs exist!  I heard stuff last night that was rhythmicly difficult, but also extremely complex.  And almost everything was fast. I was on the front of my seat the entire dress rehearsal.  I enjoyed this mini-concert just as much as I enjoyed my first chance to hear Chanticlear live (I hope my chorale friends will forgive me for saying so).  In short... I was flat out amazed.

The music was a good mix of Latin America, not just Costa Rica.  What's more is that my host assured me that there were choirs in Cuba that were even better.  I'm amazed; both at the music, and at the number of well trained choirs to sing them.

Well, sadly I need to go.  The Honduras vs. Costa Rica game is happening even as I speak.  I don't know who to cheer for, but I won't be forgiven if I don't watch it.  I told my Honduran friend how much trouble I'd have making up my mind.  They thought it should be easy to choose...choose Honduras!  Yeah... but I'm going to be surrounded by Ticos and I don't want to die at the hands of my friends!

I also got to hear this one live... it was so much more difficult than it sounds.  I couldn't even keep up with where we were in the music.

Costa Rica and Switzerland

So if you look up Costa Rica on the Internet, you'll probably find someone mentioning it's status as the "Switzerland of Latin America." After just a few days, I'm inclined to agree.

For starters they don't have a standing military force and they tend to stay neutral while other countries quickly take sides. Today they entertained the President of China (at least I'm pretty sure that's what happened), and I hear they have treaties with many sides of the political spectrum.

Second, I've seen MANY exercisers every day I've been here and at all hours of the day.  Mainly bicyclists and runners (and not just for transportation), both of which wouldn't have dared to happen in Honduras. Honduras is a little bit more... insecure.

Thirdly, THEY HAVE A TRAIN SYSTEM!!!!!  And it doesn't just run in town!  What other country in this entire hemisphere has an inter-province train system that actually gets good use???  Maybe Argentina, but I don't know.  Does Canada's Amtrak counterpart actually see a steady flow of passengers?  I don't know.  Nevertheless, I'm extremely impressed by this and I can't wait to take a trip with my new friend Joey as far as it will take us and then explore the town.  I hear it will eventually go from the East to the West coast (note... the coasts here are not on the North and South like they were in Honduras).  Sadly though, it's not finished yet.  They are slowly changing the old banana rail to newer, smaller gage passenger rail lines.  I'm impressed.

Today we (me and the team that's here from Josh's father-in-law's church in Minnesota) went to a small school.  We attended their chapel service and it was a great experience.  There was a song from Hillsong called "Tomalo" in Spanish.  You may recognize it. I first heard it in Honduras and I very much missed the Latin's way of singing it.  I was barely able to hold back the tears.

I feel so strongly that I belong here.  I don't know if what I want to do would deserve the term "missionary." I pretty much just want to do the same thing I was doing... just in Latin America.  Actually I've been thinking a lot about the word "missionary" lately.  Shouldn't everyone be a missionary?  Maybe that weakens the original purpose of the word; I don't know.  I do know that everyone is called to do the work of a missionary even if they aren't away from their home country.  I don't know.  I've had a few conversations about this with friends, but I really look forward to talking about it with people who consider themselves missionaries and with some who are called to work that others would consider missionary work as well.

~

On a separate note, tomorrow I will be going to my first choir practice here with Edwin (my host brother).  I will be meeting Prof. Carmen in person for the first time.  Your prayers are welcome.  This is the reason I came, so I hope it goes well and that there are many new opportunities that open up from this.

Update... nothing exciting yet.

I promised updates... so here you are.

Nothing exciting is happening yet.

Remodeling

Something in church made me think of this and I couldn´t help but write it down during the time I was supposed to be listening to the sermon.  (Sorry Josh).  Also, this is the first time I´ve tried to type something with a Spanish keyboard, so forgive me if I miss something. Here goes...

Remodeling:

I was glad when He moved in.  I had become very tired of doing things by myself; trying hard to find the best way to build but failing miserably.

At first it was easy to agree with His desired changes. The bathroom was leaking raw sewage, and He showed me how to fix it.  He helped me install a garbage disposal in the sink and--although I found it extremely pedantic and menial at first--I eventually agreed that taking out the trash bi-weekly was much better than letting it build up for months at a time.  After a while we experienced a small earthquake and He convinced me to dig deeper foundations.  He kept saying, "Deeper, deeper... you must dig deeper."  It was good because eventually I found strong bedrock to attach my house to as well as a clean, cold water source to pump from.

To be sure, the digging wasn't easy! It was labor intensive, and dark, and cold, too.  But He was with me, and when we had finally completed that task I was happy to be done!

But truth be told, we weren't even close to done.  He did let me rest though, and we talked about deep things. I love these times He and I get to sit and talk; they are so incredibly sweet and relaxing, too.  But as they draw to a close He would invariably says "Next!" I soon began to understand this word.  It means "not done."  And sometimes I wondered if we would ever be done.

At first He just took a few walls down.  Small demolition at the beginning, but then more and more drastic.  Sometimes the removal of a wall would reveal a friend where I had once been sure there was an enemy.  Other times I found closer relationships with the godly friends in my life.  He was bringing me closer to them as I allowed Him to do so.

"Next!"

In other places He built walls instead of tearing them down.  Sometimes I understood.  Of course I wanted to be able to lock out the thieves and robbers which envied my new, beautiful home.  But sometimes I didn't understand.

"Next!"

One place He chose to build a wall was out back.  The frustrating part was that I had made quite a diverse and what I deemed "beautiful" garden.  My favorite part about this garden was it was so easy to grow that it pretty much grew itself. It needed very little tending.  And it was useful, too! It had fruits and vegitables.  Furthermore I knew that He let many of my friends have similar gardens and at times even encouraged them to do so!  But He was taking mine away from me.  Not fair.  I didn't understand.

Slowly He helped me to understand that the garden had extremely poisonous weeds that were working their toxins slowly into all the vegitables and fruits that I so prized.  I had noticed the weeds before (and truth be told, I had also known that some were poisonous plants), but... I had always secretly considered them "wildflowers."  Well, they were wild alright; that much was true.  In addition, He pointed out that the septic system was directly under the garden.  No wonder it grew so well. Who knows what kind of poison I was eating... even poison of my own making!  How incredibly gross.  That wall sounds better and better every time I talk about it.

One day, after a special time of rest and engaging conversation in our own special room, He said "Let's do this one next."  But... why? I don't want to get this room all dirty and dusty and besides, our beds are here. (Soon after we met, He had begun the habit of sleeping over and we would talk late into the night.)  He was ademant, though.  When I found out which wall He wanted to demolish I  was epecially confused because I had been on the other side and I didn't see anything in the yard which made it worth having a window. But I did promise when He moved in that He'd get His way if we ever disagreed. Of course I really didn't expect that I would disagree as much as I have.  Well at least I do beforehand.  Afterwards it's almost always obvious that His way was much better. So this time I agreed yet again.

He stared right away (somehow His hammer was there and ready).  With each swing I began to see something I hadn't seen before.  There was blue sky, then a mountain scape, then the most gorgeous waterfall with colors and sounds and smells I had never experienced before. Or at least I had never noticed them when I walked outside my house.  This was going to be perfect!  We could put in a set of French doors and more windows and we can plant a garden and, and... WOW! this is going to be the best ever!

~

And this was my turning point. It was then that I realized we weren't building His house.  I mean we sort of were... but also not.  Of course I had learned long ago that we deffinately weren't building my house.  But all this time I had thought we were building His.  Or at least maybe His dream home.  Surely that would explain why it was never finished... there was always room for improvement because we were building His dream home, right? Not quite.

He was... or rather we were building Our dream home.  I never understood that before.  Every time he was choosing what I wanted even before I knew what it was I really wanted.  His love for me was even greater than His love for His own life!  Yes, I knew that... but I thought it was just the BIG things.  How small of me... if He cares so much about me that He's willing to give up live itself... then of course He will pick the color that I'll best like in the long run, and of course He'll put the window in just the right place, and of course He'll pick the floor plan that works best for the things I will be doing the most.  He'll do all of these things for me because He loves me.  He loves me even more than He loves Himself.  Since He's already considered my life better than His, doesn't it make since that I let a friend like that choose... everything?

~

"What's next Jesus?"